I have written a few observations about grief. It is not light reading. Be mindful as you go through these observations, and pause at the moment you feel you need to take a deep breath.
We all experience grief and sorrow in our lives. It is inevitable. We are confronted with one of the fundamental laws that govern life – the law of impermanence. Grief comes in many forms and has various shapes. We may experience the loss of a friend, parent, child, partner, or something that was close to our heart. We may also stand by someone who is experiencing such a loss.
Grief crushes the heart. We feel emptiness, lostness, abandonment, sometimes denial, and often anger. Sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness arrive as the reality of the loss slowly settles in. Grief is like a whirlpool of all these feelings, spinning within us and pulling us inward. It contains not only the current loss but all the previous ones – big and small. Memories of them return and suddenly demand attention. It can be overwhelming, profound, and heavy. Sometimes we feel as if we are in a tunnel with no light at the end, in a space without time, where helplessness prevails and there seems to be no way out.
What do we do in such a moment? Are we able to stop and allow ourselves to feel what is coming? To give ourselves space for pain, anger, and hopelessness? To surrender to tears when they come, or to let anger move through the body? Are we able to go through this period, even when it seems endless, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable?
Grief can also be an opportunity. An opportunity to meet our own inner wounding. When we lose a loved one, we are not only experiencing the loss itself, but old wounds, unfinished business, and unspoken emotions often open up. What has long been suppressed reappears. Suddenly we face the question of whether we are ready to take responsibility for our inner wound, go through the process of understanding and possible forgiveness, and reconnect with the lost parts of ourselves.
Grief can also confront us with our own mortality. What was once a distant notion becomes reality. We become aware of the fragility of life and the limited time we have. Old ideas about who we are and where we are headed may begin to crumble. We may realize that the answers we have been seeking, we may not have found yet. And it is precisely at this point that space opens for greater honesty with ourselves.
But perhaps we choose to take a different path. To return to the familiar, to a sense of safety, even if it is only apparent. To divert attention elsewhere, instead of staying with what we feel. Suppressed grief does not then disappear – it merely moves into the background, from where it can later emerge as emptiness, loss of meaning, or emotional numbness.
So let grief be here. Welcome this experience as an opportunity to go deeper. Even if it may not seem so, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And even if you may not believe anything that has been said here, you can lean on the fact that deep within us there exists something solid, whole, and unbreakable that remains present even in the midst of pain.